Muppets! :D

I'm going to spare you guys the regular old 'I had a great thanksgiving!' story. It was great, blah, blah, blaaahhhh!

Anyway, I'm going to talk about the Muppets, which we saw last night. It had it's moments of, "WTF?" and other moments of full on, whole theater laughter. But there was a line in the movie, that although said in plenty of movies in variety, struck me pretty hard.

'You believe in everybody else, but sometime you're going to have to believe in yourself.'

I was like: "Woah. Dannng." And a bunch of more exclamations. That sounded JUST like me! I have faith in everyone else, but I lack all belief in me.  I'm sure I'm not the only one like this. I know a lot of people struggle with the same thing.

Why do we do it? How can we have absolute faith in the world around us and all that is in it and neglect the same for ourselves?

I got nothing.
If you have any clue to what our problem is, leave a comment telling me (us) what it is!

Back to the holiday topic before I tackle more NaNoWriMo catching up.
I can play Christmas Music now.
We're getting our Christmas tree today.
It's pretty much AMAZING.
Sitting on my butt.
Eating a bunch of food.
No worries at the moment.

I like holidays. :]

**Jocelyn**

Honest

Honesty. I want to be honest on my blog right?

Well,  fine then.
I have another blog, one where I share  my photography and supposedly my 'thoughts'. Some of you already know that blog and it's pretty obvious which one it is. I created it originally to be by vent, but obviously, that didn't happen. It became a place where my friends could monitor me and I felt like I could say nothing.

I could never dream of putting my actual thoughts on that blog. It was so aggravating; half the time I don't even feel like posting on there. I mean, I made that blog for me to spout out my thoughts, not to have my friends dip into my mind.

So, that's why I created this blog. I didn't want to quit the other one, where I'm goody-two shoes, but I needed some way of letting out the junk inside of me.

I hope knowing what my other blog is and 'who I am' doesn't change views of me. I wanna be honest. xD
And, I might follow you on my other blog and might comment on your post as both people. That's usually a mistake, don't think I'm like...skitzo. xD

So, yeah. I just thought I'd let that out. Now I feel free. I don't feel like I'm hiding a bunch of things or have to lie to you guys. Yeah.

So, awesome.
xD

**Jocelyn**

Do I Look Like A Hooker? (Strange Compliments)

I get compliments and I love every single one of them. We all get compliments and love them. You'd have to be INSANE not to like them!

But, for some odd reason I can't place my finger on, I get compliments in the strangest way. I decided I'd share some of my 'strange' compliments with you guys. And before you think I'm going all vain, the topic popped into my mind because I'm trying to be positive and acknowledge that I'm not all that bad.

My List of Strange/Awkward Compliments


1. One day, while dropping my brother off at a friends house (who happened to be fifthly rich and had a house the size of my town.), we went inside to talk with this kids mom, whom we've never met before. When we met, she is really sweet and tells me, "Oh, you're so beautiful!" If my skin wasn't bridging on African American, I would have had the reddest cheeks on the face of the planet. But, no, that's no the awkward part.

We're all together, my brother, my mom, his friends and his friend's mom. Some how we got on the topic of future jobs and the friend's mom asked me what I wanted to be. I was, like, thirteen at the time, so I shrugged and said the classic, "I dunno...yet." Then she goes, "You could be a model!" >turns to the boys< "Couldn't she be a model?"

In my mind, I'm going, "OH, HELL NO, DON'T ASK THEM THAT!!!!"
I mean, honestly, my brothers friends? Really? Don't put them on the spot like that. I can't even remember their reactions I was so mortified. Gawh.

So, that might not be awkward to you, but it sure as hell was for ME.

2. My brother and I (hem, my brother must have a curse on me) were walking into Wal*Mart and passed the elderly black man. As we're about to head in he tells my brother, Anthony, "Hm, that girl is too good for you!" and then says to me, "You're too good for him, that's for sure."

I was mortified, once again. This is my BROTHER, not my BOYFRIEND. (You don't know how many times that happens to us. I mean, you'd think since we look a LOT alike, that they'd catch on. But no.)

We did set the guy straight, thank gosh. But it took about a minute for us to even understand what he meant.

3. They just get stranger and stranger. Anyway, we were loading stuff into the car, Anthony and I (AGAIN! Why is it always with him?!?!?). These two guys were walking by, wanna be gangsters, but they're like, 50 years old so it ain't working. They're talking to each other, and because I'm such a nosy person, I was eavesdropping.

Suddenly, one said to the other, "Damn! Boys are gonna be all over that one like butter popcorn!"

This time I wasn't scared for life. This time I wanted to laugh because, I mean, popcorn? Butter popcorn? That's ALL you can come up with?

It turns out that Anthony must have been eavesdropping to, because gives me this, "What the hell did he just say look?" and says, "Wait...what?" I played oblivious of course. I'm good at playing that, I have to a lot.

4.
I was walking our dog, Gawain, who is an Saint Bernard. Everyone is always so shocked by his size. Meh, I grew up with Great Danes, Irish Wolfhounds and the big Saint B's. But everyone else hasn't.

One guy stops me to look at Gawain and says, "Man, you and your dog are beautiful."

I don't think you flatter a girl when you tell her that she is just as beautiful as her dog.

5. I was in the story, looking for Bean Sprouts. I had just run in and it had been raining so I had to take off my glasses and swipe all the rain off. As I did this, I was walking by this guy restocking shelves. He pauses, turns to look at me and says, "Wow, you look just as good with your glasses on as you do with them off."

Stupid me didn't hear what he said because my mind was else where, so I just nodded and smiled. It wasn't till I saw his kinda, "Okay...." look that I realized what he had said. Blushing, I told him thank-you. xD

6. And the last, but not least!

I was walking home from work one day, because I had no ride. Mind you, I was wearing realllly crappy clothes because I work at the vets. (I basically clean up around there. Blech.) And this series of events happen:

- First, at an intersection, a car full of teenage guys (a.k.a idiots) passed by. As they went by, one leaned out the window and yelled, "FIFTY DOLLA? CAN I GET YA' FOR FIFTY DOLLA'S?!?! FIFTY DOLLA'S" He yelled it in this really bad Indian accent. And even when they were half-way down the road, he was yelling, "HOW MUCH? HOW MUCH?" Laughing the whole time.

The urge to give him a one-fingered jester was so strong. So, damn strong.

Then, as I'm still plotting along, pissed at the idiot who yelled at me, two trucks go by. Not at the same time, but close together and honk at me. And another blows past with ANOTHER guy hanging out the window, whooping and blowing the horn.

My pissed meter went from five to ten. It wasn't like I was wearing anything  immodest and I was in JUNK clothes. The thoughts, 'DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING HOOKER TO YOU?" went through my head 194832923 times.

And to put the big, fat cherry on top of the crap icing and crap cake, I was waiting to cross the road when these guys in their yard, hanging out in the bed of their truck, stand up and start yelling at me. I couldn't understand what they were saying, but their gestures told me everything I needed to know.

I walked fast as hell.

Needless to say, I now know my town is filled with a bunch of freaky perverted teenage guys. Lord, help me.


Okay, so that that's the end of the list. xD
I'm not trying to sound vain, I swear! They're just good laughs!!

:D

**Jocelyn**

What If? (Kissing Gone Wrong)

My friends and I, E and H, were talking about kissing. I'm not too sure how we got on the subject, but our fears of all the wrongs that would happen suddenly came out. To make it easier, I'm going to show you some of the FB chat.

Me: I've always wondered if my first kiss will be awkward. Knowing how awkward I am, it will be. lol

E: Oh man, I've already determined that my first kiss will be awkward too. Waaay awkward. For the same reason you think yours will be: I am an awkward person. I'm going to end up missing or something.

Or, he will be too tall and I will be too short.

Or, I will hiccup or belch or something of the sort.

Me: I'll be afraid I'll, like, fall over. Or what if their lips are...like funny tasting? I know that sounds gross, but, I mean, you gotta think of these things! xD

Em: Aaahhh, all these perfectly awkward first kisses which will probably come true.

I know!! I mean, what if he had been eating onions?? Or like a sloppy Joe??

Me: Or what if they like, cough/burp/sneeze on you? What do you do?

Em: I know!! So, what if we aren't the awkward ones, but what if they are? How do you react in these sort of situations? And what if your noses get in the way? Which way is it supposed to go? Left or right??

Me: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M THINKING? What if you can't breath because your noses aren't working out and you don't wanna be mean and jump away, gasping for air? Gosh, I think I'll never kiss. 0_0 xD

H:I know me and my first kiss the guy would have terrible breath. And I would freak out. And he would get mad. And... ewww...

Em: Or if he doesn't close his eyes and is just creepily staring at you the whole time?

H: Or what if my asthma kicked in?? And I died kissing him..?? AGHHHHH

Em: That would be bad if you died in the middle of your first kiss. O.O

Me: AWWW, gawh, ew. xD

I bet he would feel bad.

How would you explain THAT to the cops?

"Yeah, we were...uh, kissing...and she just...died."

"I swear I didn't do it."

H: Or my headstone..... "She died kissing her boyfriend.... no he's NOT that good of a kisser."

We're so messed up. What the hell is wrong with us? xD

So, if you HAVE kissed someone, please send our fears somewhere far away.

If you haven't been kissed, what are YOUR fears?

*Jocelyn*

A Thrill

I was riding in the car with my mom today, heading back from Wal*Mart, cold and tired. In other words, it was so typical. I felt so annoyed for some reason and I couldn't place my big, fat finger on it. It was when we were rounded the bend, going towards the library, that it hit me straight on.

I'm bored.

It sounds Juvenal, unappreciative and every other bad thing out there, but...its true. I want adventure. I'm a thrill seeker stuck in a town the size of a thumbnail, I have a life full of emotional roller coaster that aren't even attached to anything exciting.

Ever since I was little, I've been stuck in this dreamy state of magic, adventure, and exploration. I guess it finally sunk in that, that isn't what life is. I won't run into the same heart-skipping, blood-pulsing experiences story book characters do. I've always dreamed, dreamed and dreamed of the moments my story would unwind, but it hasn't.

It won't.

That's so depressing. I hate actually taking my head out of the fairy land clouds for a second to see the dull, dreary world around me. Okay, I take that back. Its not dull, it's not boring--it's me. I just can't accept the creation God made because I've been la-laing through life.

ANYWHO.

I want to shout out to Areesha (Me, Myself and I), who even if I don't ever reply and take forever to follow her blog and still comments on my blog, for reaching 50 followers. She's so kind, she's brilliant and I love what she has to say.

I'd also like to shout out to Ovais (18 Downing Street), who is super duper awesome and nice to me too. :D And, well, you have some important things to say too. And you make me  laugh.

Thanks you guys for being awesome! :D :D :D :D

**Jocelyn**

NaNoWriMo: A Dream

My NaNoWriMo story is called Paradise. It's one of my favorite story ideas so far. I won't dive into what it's about, but it's going to have a crazy plot that I have to work out. Once NaNoWriMo is over, I'll tackle the task of actual plot organization.

In the mean time, I'll write like HELL. I'm so behind.
Anyway, I'm sharing this clip with you. Right now, it's one of my favorites. Not because it has amazing writing or anything, but it forced me to look at the little things I love. I love looking at little things, like leaves, wind, a blade of grass.I also felt the emotion that Emmy feels, which is strange.

So, here you go! (Btw, my grammar is so screwed up and I haven't read of this lately. So, yeah.)

NaNoWriMo Excerpt: Second Dream

She knew she was in a dream, but it felt so real. Everything she touched didn’t feel like it came from a deep space inside her brain, it felt like her fingers were actually caressing the cool strands of grass blanketing the hills. The sun that had fought its way through the mountainous grey clouds touched her skin with such warmth, that she could only believe it was real. 

Emmy couldn’t give into the dreams life-like illusions; she was afraid if she did, she’d never wake up. It tip toed across the line of exciting and dangerous. The dream, electrifyingly real, could easily trap her in its grasp and never let her go, pushing her deeper and deeper into it.

Or at least she thought it could.

Maybe this dream was innocent, just a rare and unusual dream to sweeten her night. If it was, who was to blame her for slipping happily into it, enjoying every moment? What if this one a once in a life time opportunity to experience a vivid dream? She didn’t want to miss something like this.

The debate raged on inside of her. Should she stay in the dream and be pulled in effortlessly, or should she flee and leave dangerous dreams to brew somewhere else?

Emmy slid backwards till her shoulders touched the grass. The grass tickled the back of her neck as she relaxed, enjoying the tingle crossing her skin from the sun.

This was a sun, right? Emmy had never experience one before.  She had seen pictures, read sections in their study books, but never felt the warm sensation of it touching her bare skin.

This dream, she thought, is paradise. How could I ever let it go?

The wind whispered through the grass and trees, catching her hair and dancing with it for a brief moment before disappearing. A smile twitched at Emmy’s lips. She was slipping into the dream already. A decision had to be made; stay or go.  Resist or bask in the wonder.

Another gust of wind ran over the fields and hills and slowed to a stop when it reached her. It felt so amazing. It was something else Emmy’s skin had never enjoyed, wind. Being confined to the House only meant reading about these extraordinary pleasures in text books and imagining the day your own skin will prickle at the caress of a breeze.

When more wind caused her heart to swell and mouth to become a full smile, she knew the choice was clear. She had to stay.

Emmy’s fingers dug deep down into the soil, feeling the dirt jam under her fingernails. They wiggled in the soil, like she was hugging the ground. Pulling them out of the ground, she held them over her face, examine the healthy, rich soil that covered her fingers.

What had she been missing all this time? What provoked her to go into the House? She paused, gazing up at the sapphire sky. The dark clouds had vanished, banished by the blazing sun.

Emmy’s mind dodged through memories. What was it like outside the House? Had she spent so much time in there she had forgotten? It couldn’t be. That was impossible. What had her family been like? She couldn’t even remember that.

If it hadn’t been for the burning sun, bright, blue sky and the grass beneath her, a sorrow would have fallen over her heart.  She could not remember life outside the House. In fact, she couldn’t remember any second before she entered the building, leaving her whole life behind for a simple adventure.

Was this what she left behind? Impossible.

Emmy couldn’t imagine any soul leaving behind such beauty just to be confined in a white box, never to see the outside world again.  No, what person could be so naïve, so blinded, that they walked into the white halls of confinement.

Emmy breathed in deeply, taking in the powerful scents of the world around her. She could smell the soil tucked under her fingernails, the grass swaying in the playful wind. Even the very wind seemed to hold a unique smell here.

Emmy blinked. Where was here?

>To Be Continued <  

I'll give you the rest of this section later. :]

Enjoyyyyy!!!!

**Joeclyn**

Way Too Long

It's been a while. A very, very long time.
I'm so, so, so sorry. :(

I've been caught up in non-stop schoolwork and dancing. It's insane. This past weekend, the only times I have been home is a night to sleep. I feel like I've haven't sat on this couch and blogged in a nice long time. Actually, it feels like it's been years. Yes, years.

I don't have much time to pour out some insane rambling (DAMN SCHOOLWORK!!!), but I do have time to tell you guys that, even though you thought I was gone, I will never, ever stop blogging. I felt very discouraged over this weekend about my blog and NaNoWriMo. (Yeah, I'm doing it. I'm about 10,000 words behind because I've been so busy.)

Hopefully, since the holidays are coming, I'll get to kick back and enjoy the deep pleasures of writing on my blog and my NaNoWriMo story. :]

Tell me how all of you guys are doing in lengthy comments that I love to read. I know, I know. I never comment on anyone's blog, but I swear to you guys, I read them! I'm just not much a commenter. I guess I should be. xD

Anyway, I got to get back to Art History! (Yay. Curse you finals.) Pray that I don't go haywire and pull out all my hair! Thanks!

**Jocelyn**

iPod Note

I wrote this note on my iPod a while back. I was on a short trip to VA with my family. I was hanging out with my brother, his girlfriend and a couple of their friends. Or, I should say: tagging along because I have no life.

Anyway, we were at this river. I scrambled up onto this half-living bridge and wrote this note. I found it recently and decided to share it. I'm keeping all the typos because it's a memory, not a school paper. So, yeah.  Hope you enjoy. :]
(BTW, do you know how hard it is to write something this long on an iPod touch. Well, it's pretty dang hard.)

Sep. 4, 2011
It was strange; a place so beautiful only stirred her imagination the smallest bit. Even when she breathed in deep and stared at the light bouncing across the water, her heart didn't swell with excitement. It only gave a pathetic jump and went back to it's original beating.

The planes roaring just above her head reminded her of the place that never failed to take her breath away. She longed, with all of her unstirred heart, that she was in one of those planes, staring out it's window, amazed by something as simple as height, lights dancing below and the feeling that she was one step closer to God.

That's how she wanted to feel, like she was closer to God. Like she could reach out and touch his beautiful face. Gods face. Its even better than staring out the window of a plane.

The idea amazed her. She couldn't think of anything more beautiful than stepping into the sky, wether by mountain or plane, climbing a wall or even sitting and looking out over a river, higher than someone.

She looked around all the couples, trying to figure out how she fit into the jigsaw puzzle. It felt like every space was filled and she was the piece that didn't belong to this puzzle.

"Then which freaking puzzle box did l come from and where the hell is it?" was the first thing that crossed her mind. She was sick of it, she had come to that conclusion Long time ago.

Being alone had gotten boring. She was sick of talking to animals and only getting a whine for more food as a reply. She was sick of using the Internet to talk to people, it was so impersonal, you could never figure out what people really meant.

It was depressing, being alone. It felt like no one else knew how it felt and never would. And worse of all, it felt like it would always be that way. She would always feel completely alone, no one near her, even in a building with hundreds.

She looked over the water again, hoping for that feeling of imagination that would run through her bones and make her excited. That feeling that made her feel happy, even though she rarely was. That amazing feeling that made her feel like she wasn't as alone as she felt, that she had hundreds of people waiting to love her.

Her eyes roamed the water below, waiting for that feeling. Suddenly she felt it, not the feeling, but something else that put her aching mind to rest.

She saw her sorrow in the river. It reflected it perfectly, but somehow, hidden behind it was a smile and laugh. She
sighed, feeling slightly content.

The water was beautiful and so was she.She smiled, then laughed. She had the overwhelming urge to run , jump and be immersed in the dark water and experience it, what the water felt.

She looked at the water, longing to talk to it and tell it how she felt, but she couldn't. What would everyone else think If she started babbling on to no one.

It didn't matter though. It was okay now. She sighed and laughed. She wasn't alone anymore, she had a friend. She had a lovely friend, dancing right below her, waiting for her to talk, because it would listen. It would listen to her every word.

Now she feels better.

**Jocelyn**

Easier Said Than Done

The past is a dreadful place.
In the past, we only store the memories of depiction, betrayal, pain, and all the other negatives. In the past, that's where all the wrongs are.

The future, now that can be hopeful. That can be hopeful until we start comparing it to the past. The past, the dreadful past. The past, which harbors our most sorrowful moments. It's frustrating, but true. The better moments in our life are shadowed by the terrible ones.

That's why I only remember the pain my friends bought me, not the joy.
That's why I only remember the death of my beloved friend, not the good times we had together.
That's why I only remember the depression, not the happiness.

That's why the future looks so bleak.

But I'm not going to let that define my life. I'm not going to let the past become the future. Sure, life is going to suck. I'm going to have some of the hardiest times of my life, especially as I am heading towards those scary first few years of adult-hood. But who cares? I'm going to make it through. Millions and billions of people have made it through in the same state I'm in. Why can't I?

But in order to do that, I have to forgive and forget the past. You heard me right: FORGIVE and forget.
There are moments in my past, moments that make my heart sputter to a stop, that haunt me everyday. That have cut deep into my soul, making sure the gash is almost in able to heal. There have been people, Stephanie, Ellie, who probably never meant to, but hurt me like never before. There has been family, my Grandparents, who have rejected me, made me feel like I was never enough, or not sane.

There has been me, who has harmed me over and over again.

There is no way in hell that I'm going to let these things of the past tear me down. It's time for me to shed them, put them in the closet. They might tumbled down from the top shelf at times and stir those angry and depressed feelings, but one day I'll be able to clean up the mess with out feel a shed of ether.

So, forgive. Forget. Don't let these things bother you anymore.


Ha. I wish. Easier said than done, right?

**Jocelyn**