Linkin Park

It's like Linkin Park peers into your soul and knows exactly what you're thinking. 

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

Every time I feel like shit I go to their music and wrap myself in it, feeling like they are singing to me. It almost feels like they're talking to me, telling me they know how it feels, that they want to help. 

When I'm angry, fed up with it all I hear them saying, 

I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

'Cause inside I realize

That I'm the one confused

I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream.

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean.

I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright.

So I'm breaking the habit,

I'm breaking the habit

Tonight

It all is so painful. I feel it tearing apart my soul, bit by bit. 

Crawling in my skin

These wounds they will not heal

Fear is how I fall

Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Consuming/confusing

This lack of self-control I fear is never ending

Controlling/I can't seem

To find myself again

My walls are closing in

(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)

I've felt this way before

So insecure

Discomfort,endlessly has pulled itself upon me

Distracting/reacting

Against my will I stand beside my own reflection

It's haunting how I can't seem...

I hear their lyrics and burst out into more hot tears. 'They know! They know!',I think. I feel a little bit of relief, but then it's gone when I hear lyrics that remind me of the past, of the painful past:

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end

I cry and cry. Mad, angry, frustrated, depressed. I slip away, wanting to give up. I want to fly away, go some place better and be missed. 

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

One day, it changes. I see redemption, I see hope. I see the past but don't think about it. It's gone. I can't change it. I'll just accept it. I'm ready to move one. Face the facts. Take on the world. I'm forgiving what I've done. 

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies


So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done


I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

And then it is done. I'm stronger. I'm ready. I'll never give up. 

Thank you, Linkin Park, for being there. 

I'm so much better and I think you helped me get through a lot of it. 

**Jocelyn**