Dear Blank,

Dear Blank, 

I don't know how to explain it. I don't even know how it became. All I know is that it feels like I'm slowly being eaten alive. 

I don't feel like doing anything. Not even laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep it all away. Sleep till the world is old and grey and there is nothing left. Nothing. But I can't sleep. I can't even close my eyes without drifting back into Sorrow's arms. 

When I'm awake, all I can think about is it. My mind goes no where else. I wonder why it happens to me. I wonder if anyone I know feels the same way. I wonder if certain people knew, would they treat me differently. And I wonder if death would make it easier. If death would relieve me from the hardest and heaviest burden I've ever experienced: life. 

I know God hears my pleas for his help. I just don't feel like he is doing anything about it. I know he sees my tears, but it feels like he doesn't care about them. In other words, I feel completely alone. Like I've been hidden away, isolated. My God, who was my last hope, seems to be missing. Or maybe, as usual, I'm doing something wrong. It's usually my fault, isn't it? 

I'm the reason that what could have a great friendship fell apart, shattered. I'm the reason my Mom struggles to pay the bills every week. I could possibly even be the reason my parents divorced, leaving their hopes and dreams of a happy family in a pile somewhere far, far away. 

I feel like if I died I'd be doing the whole world a favor. But what if someone misses me? I would have caused yet another problem. 

I'm a big, fat, stinkin', huge, pathetic, pain in the ass. 

I even feel like I'm a problem, a crazy harassment of a problem, to God. Maybe that's why he won't help me. 

I'm sorry God. 

I'm sorry everyone. 

I didn't ask to be this way. But I guess someone has to and I'd rather it be me than you. 

-Jocelyn- 

P.S

I know it's not your burden to carry, but I just needed to let you know. I can't go on without letting you know.