Five Things That I Complain About!

Everyone has pet peeves. Everyone knows someone who is like a trigger to their pet-peeve gun.
I'm going to take this time to complain about my pet peeves. Because, well, complaining is so much dang fun!


1. Not Finishing Your Sentences 
If you don't...
See how ANNOYING that is?!?!? It's torture! It would be one thing if people gave you a hint to what they were going to say, like, 'If you don't finish your sentences I will personally...' At least then we have some boundaries to guess around in. But when you just drop off at the very beginning of a sentence, leaving me wondering, I want to SCREAM.

So, finish your sentences. Or I will go all crazy black woman on you.

2. Whispering 
Call me nosy, but if you're going to say something: say it out loud. The more you whisper around me, the more I want to shove my nose into your business. But, hey, I'm guilty of it too. I'm being a hypocrite. I don't care. Don't whisper.

3. Complaining About My Taste In Something
Okay, guilty again. I do this, sometimes, but it pisses me off when other people do it to me too. If you don't like my style then DEAL. If it's something offensive, I can understand. If it's something harmful, I can understand. If it's because you don't like the color, then f**k off. (Wow, I'm sounding so cheery! I swear I'm in a good mood guys, I swear!)

4. Being Rebellious Because It's Cool
It's one thing to be rebellious because you want to and you think it's better for you. It's another thing if you do it because Bobby Jo is doing it. Get. A. Life.
(I SWEAR I'M IN A GOOD MOOD. XD)

5. Chewing With Your Mouth Open
One word: manners. If you can't chew with your mouth closed, then you can't pass a test. God gave us the ability to open and close our mouth for a reason.

Okay, so those are my pet peeves.
You tell me yours, so I can be sure to ignore them. ;]

**Jocelyn**

I'm Meant For So Much More

I'm better. I swear I am.

I still feel down and upset, a lot, but I finally opened up. Sure, things are going peachy keen, like I hoped they would, but they're going. I guess that's better than nothing.

I've been looking back and I've realized I've put myself through a lot of crap. But here I am, alive and well. Still walking, talking, breathing...

I guess I've realized that I'm stronger than I think I am and even if I feel like I won't make it...I will. I haven't caved in yet. I don't think I ever will. I might make stupid little post about how bad I feel, but the truth is: I won't let it get in the way. I'll find a way out.

I'm not trying to sound all self-righteous or anything. I'm just saying that I haven't given up and I don't plan on ever doing so. I don't think I have it in me to actually give up. Maybe it's pride, maybe it's selfishness, or maybe I'm meant for so much more than pain and strife.

I meant for so much more than dark depression.
And strangely...I believe it.


Thank God.

**Jocelyn**

Dear Blank,

Dear Blank, 

I don't know how to explain it. I don't even know how it became. All I know is that it feels like I'm slowly being eaten alive. 

I don't feel like doing anything. Not even laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep it all away. Sleep till the world is old and grey and there is nothing left. Nothing. But I can't sleep. I can't even close my eyes without drifting back into Sorrow's arms. 

When I'm awake, all I can think about is it. My mind goes no where else. I wonder why it happens to me. I wonder if anyone I know feels the same way. I wonder if certain people knew, would they treat me differently. And I wonder if death would make it easier. If death would relieve me from the hardest and heaviest burden I've ever experienced: life. 

I know God hears my pleas for his help. I just don't feel like he is doing anything about it. I know he sees my tears, but it feels like he doesn't care about them. In other words, I feel completely alone. Like I've been hidden away, isolated. My God, who was my last hope, seems to be missing. Or maybe, as usual, I'm doing something wrong. It's usually my fault, isn't it? 

I'm the reason that what could have a great friendship fell apart, shattered. I'm the reason my Mom struggles to pay the bills every week. I could possibly even be the reason my parents divorced, leaving their hopes and dreams of a happy family in a pile somewhere far, far away. 

I feel like if I died I'd be doing the whole world a favor. But what if someone misses me? I would have caused yet another problem. 

I'm a big, fat, stinkin', huge, pathetic, pain in the ass. 

I even feel like I'm a problem, a crazy harassment of a problem, to God. Maybe that's why he won't help me. 

I'm sorry God. 

I'm sorry everyone. 

I didn't ask to be this way. But I guess someone has to and I'd rather it be me than you. 

-Jocelyn- 

P.S

I know it's not your burden to carry, but I just needed to let you know. I can't go on without letting you know. 

Life

Life can suck.

It's that simple, but yet life is so hard.
It's like the simplest maze that no one can master.

Fudge it all. Fudge. It. All.

Yeah, I'm not feeling to great. I'm sorry to bother you with a post about it. (Seriously, I'm sorry.) Just needed a small amount of venting.


**Jocelyn**

One of those shallow post about hot guys...

Let's just cut the chase here. I have a list of really hot guys. If you're a sane female, then you want to see my list.

(NOTE: They are in no particular order. How could I possibly decided anyway?)

1. Christian Bale

You saw his face? Okay, nuff said.

2. Heath Ledger

It's so hard to find the perfect picture to describe how hot he was. R.I.P. All your fan girls miss you. A lot.

3. Callan McAuliffe

I MIGHT have let out a little girl giggle when I GoogleImaged Callan.
Don't judge me.

4. William Moseley

Another girlish giggle might have occurred. I don't know, I was too busy drooling over this photo. 0_0

5. Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Be still my heart.
xD

Okay, I'm getting tired, so I'll finish there.
Girls, don't die.
Guys, don't cry.

**Jocelyn**

Cussing.

I cuss.
Everyone does it as some point; sometimes on accident and sometimes on purpose.
I don't like to cuss, but I do. I've grown up in a home that disapproves of cussing (which is funny, because my mother curses a lot.), but I still cuss.

It has it's problems, cussing. But it also has it's benefits.
I read somewhere once (a very detailed story, I know) that cussing actually helps release anger and anxiety. But it also makes me feel guilty after I've let out a string of profane words.

It's strange how it starts. You hear it all the time when you're young. You can't escape it. Although you hear it all the time, you'd never dream of letting any of those 'nasty' words come out of your mouth. But one day, when you're pissed at your mom, stressed because of school work, and plain out miserable it just comes to you. You wonder: Maybe if I say this one word, I'll feel better!

And then you say it:

F**k my life.

And you feel better. And then you say it again and again and again, not sure why the hell you're saying it because after a while, it doesn't help you. It doesn't change a thing. All you feel now is the need to march yourself down stairs and shove a bar of soap in your nasty, little mouth. But you don't.

You just continue to curse. In fact, around certain people who you know would have a full-blown heart attack if they heard you even mutter 'sniz nit', you almost say the mother of all curse words. You almost yell it at the opposing team during a soccer game. It starts taking over you and reminding you each time that you handle your problems in a childish way. You take the easy way out. You go against everything you learn just to feel a tiny bit better.

I guess that's another reason on the List-Of-Reasons-Jocelyn-Made-This-Blog. I want to find a better way to express how I feel. I'm sick of almost saying, "Dam*it, I forgot my tithe again!" in the middle of Church. (Do you know how screwed up that would be?) Most of all, I want to stop feeling like God is cringing every time I let one loose. Because (this is scary to me), the more I swear, the more I find myself using his name in vain too.

So, maybe this cursing thing will stop and this blog thing will go on. That would be pretty awesome, right?

:]

**Jocelyn**

Paradise

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

So she ran away in her sleep

Dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Every time she closed her eyes

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

And the bullets catch in her teeth

Life goes on

It gets so heavy

The wheel breaks the butterfly

Every tear, a waterfall

In the night, the stormy night

She closed her eyes

In the night, the stormy night

Away she flied

She dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

She dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

La la la La 

La la la

So lying underneath those stormy skies.

She said oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

I know the sun's set to rise.

This could be para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

This could be para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

This could be para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Could be para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

This could be para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Could be para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

-COLDPLAY, PARADISE 

I swear this song was meant for me...

**Jocelyn**

Schoolwork.

Is the world ending? I haven't had a hiccup in my school work once this week. That's pretty...insane. Usually there's SOMETHING I do wrong. But nothing has! Could this be a blessing from God? I'll just have to wait and see. There are still several days for this to go terribly wrong.

Don't you hate it when you're school work is going perfectly, because you know you're defiantly forgetting something. xD I think I remembered everything. I hope I did. Aw, well. Fingers crossed!

On to more important topics!

I've been going to Physical Therapy this week. I guess I should give you guys a fill in. About five to six months ago, I started having back pain. I went from being able to touch my nose to me knees to barely being able to bend my back.

After going to the doctors, being poked and prodded, I was told to spend time almost every day with warm moisture on my back. I did that for about a month, but it didn't help. In fact, the pain got worse. At one point it kept me up till 2 in the morning. My mother decided I needed something different and took my to the doctors again.

They still didn't know what was wrong with me. So, they sent me to the physical therapist, who thinks I've simply been straining my back in dance and at work, since I have no injury to connect my back pain to. Their goal is to strengthen my core muscle.

It's been a lot of fun to me! I've always liked working out and knowing that having better core muscle will help me in dance makes it ten times better. And because of dance, when I do any of the ball work outs, I have good balance on the ball.

My posture will also be improving! It not only makes my back feel better, but I also look a little more on the confident side. This. Is. Wonderful. xD

Maybe being a Physical Therapist wouldn't be too bad of a job, no? I'll add that to my mile long list of things I might want to be.

xD

**Jocelyn**

Goldfish.

Goldfish. 


They're orange.  
One point. 


They're tasty. 
Another point. 


They're shaped like a fish. 
One more point. 


They smile at you. Creepy much?
One point down. 


But it is a sweet smile.
One point up. 


They leave a terrible after taste in your mouth. 
One point down. 


They break into little crumbs pretty easily.
One point down. 


It's really hard to clean out of the carpet.
One point down. 


But they're so darn tasty!
One point up. 


How'd I end with one point for Goldfish? Surly they deserve five points!

Yes, I think like this. Yes, I have no life. Yes, I like Goldfish. Yes, I just ate Goldfish. And, yes, I'm craving more Goldfish.

Ever had the chocolate cookie ones? TOTALLY. AMAZING. TRY THEM.
Oh, the pizza ones are #1 too. I guess that's another point up. You know, them coming in so many flavors. So, it's two points now? Cool.


Yeah, I just made a post about scoring Goldfish...


I need friends.

x]

**Jocelyn**

Books, Books, And More Books.

I don't think you know this, but...

I'm a book worm. 

My dream house? I don't have one. Well, unless you consider living in a giant library for the rest of my life as a 'house', then I'm good. 

You know what is, like, soul shattering though? 

I've completed around 6 books this year for pleasure. Six books people, six! I usually devour that many in a month, tops! I'm the girl who read a 400 page book in a day. I'm the girl who ignores all her school work to read the next Pendragon book, or take in a few chapters of Squashed. I'm the girl that, even if she hates the book, is sure to have the assigned book for school done by the end of the week. I'm the girl who has run out of room on her shelves, desk, and beside tables for books and has been forced to stack some under her old keyboard. 

I'm that girl and I've read around six books for pleasure this year? 

You have every right to smack me right now. 

Here I am, one day before my British Lit. class and I'm only 33 pages into Pilgrims Progress, which just happens to be a 304 (exact) paged book. That's roughly around 271 pages to go and I only have one day to do it. Not to mention I have to take notes while I read it. 

I'm an idiot. 

And you know what I want to do right now? The girl who has read six books this year wants to throw down Pilgrims Progress and attack a book she's already read about three times. Curse you Pilgrims Progress. Curse you procrastination. 

Luckily, I usually find a way to wiggle myself out of these predicaments with last minute freak outs. Hopefully my schedule for tomorrow will help me get off my lazy ass and get things done. Hopefully. 

**Jocelyn** (who is now going to try and get at least 50 pages done before she has a break down)

P.S

Did I ever mention I complain too much? 

Forever is a short time.

Death.

Destruction. 

Smoke.

Fire.

Tears.

Blood.

Anger.

Rage.

Pain.

Suffering. 

A taste of hell on Earth. 

That was 9/11. 

Unity. 

Remembrance. 

Sorrow. 

Love.

Faith. 

Strength. 

Freedom. 

America. 

Hero. 

Passion. 

Pride. 

Honor. 

This is 9/11. 

What was a tragedy and still is has become a reminder. A reminder that this is America, land of the free, home of the brave. 

This is America, where freedom has been payed for, over and over again, with the blood, sweat and tears of heros. 

This is America, were hope springs eternal. 

This is America, a nation blessed by God. 

As hard as you may strike, America will stand. While buildings may be reduced to dust, and bodies crushed, the spirit of those who have come and will come will keep America's heart beating. America is not a large stretch of land. 

America is the home of Freedom, Liberty, and Justice. America's beating heart is made up of the people who love it and will fight for what it stands for. 

America is the home of the brave, land of the free. 

And we will never, ever forget those who attempted, tried and failed, to take that away from us. 

Nice try guys, but America will always be a united. Undivided. Free. Land of the Free. Home of the Brave. 

Never forget. 

Never, ever forget. 

**Jocelyn**

Rotting Brains! Yay!

Shows I'm Addicted To:

1. Skins (Both US and UK versions)

They do a lot of stupid things, but for some reason I love it. Still not sure why. xD
2. Suits

I'm still not sure why I love this show. Buuuuut I do. Hey, who can say no to a lawyer show?
3. Misfits

This show is fudging amazing. I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT FOR THE NEW SEASON. GOSH. Anyway. Damn, I need a life.  

4.Nikita

Kick ass girl? Yes, please. Nikita is my hero (snrk! not really) and I want to be as tough as her. Ooooh yeah. ( Love the slogan thing too.)

So, yeah. I'm nothing like the people in these shows, but I guess I want to be a mixture of all of them. I have no freaking clue why. xD lol

Have fun rotting your brains on T.V shows too!

**Jocelyn**

I Will Catch Him

Woah. I haven't posted in a while. That's screwed up.

I hate to make my "I'm back post" a depressing one, but I'm settling into one of those fouls moods you just can't avoid. I'm angry, angry at someone who I've only seen a couple of times. I'm angry at them for entering his, being my only brother, life. I'm angry at them for being there, stealing his heart, when I know you're only setting it up for a fall.

I'm his sister. You're the girl who's trying to take him and break him. I won't allow you to hurt him. Trust me, I won't. You see, I'm one of those siblings that depended on their sister/brother. I needed them a good deal in my life and they received me, helped me stagger along this steep path called life. And I promise you, I will do all I can to make sure I can help them along this steep path.

Girl, I see it inside you, every time I look into your eyes. I know something is lurking behind them, something that will shine bright one day and reveal the beast inside and in that process, the beast will strike him, my brother, and leave him so damage I'm afraid I can't heal him.

I'm angry that I can't heal it. I'm angry that my brother no longer sees me, no longer wants me there. All he wants is you, but you're not right. There is something wrong, something terribly wrong. Call me paranoid, but it's true. And when this wrong makes itself known, I'll be even angrier...at myself for not speaking up. But whatcan I say?

"I hate her. Stop seeing her. I hope she dumps you, or you dump her, because you guys are beyond wrong for each other."

Yeah, that sounds like a perfect plan. Not.
I think it would just make him want to be with her more and that would be the exact opposite of what I want. And I want her gone. Out of the pictures. I want her GONE.

I know, I know. You're reading this thinking, "Gawh, girl, you're being cruel. I'm sure they're actually in love. Understand your brother."

Understand me. If you felt what I feel when I see her, when I look at her,then you'd understand. Trust me, I've had my step-brother, who I' also close to, get married and I know how it feels to not like the girl because I'm the younger sister. But this is different. My brother is about to fall and I want to catch him before it can really hurt.

God, please, let me be wrong! Let me be wrong!

Okay, I'll stop. I'll stop now. I punch something important (like my laptop) if I don't stop ranting. If you read this whole post, kudos! You're an amazing person and I love you for it. Thank you, really!

Thanks!

**Jocelyn**