My Love

My simple heart, beating to the strings of a song,

thumping along with the pounding drum,

oh, how I know I belong. 

I found that fragment of a poem recently. I sat there, rubbing my chin, trying to figure out what it was about. Then, aha!, I had it. It was about dancing. 

Oh, gawh, I love dancing. I love it so much. It's like a romantic relationship, full of ups and down, tears and joy. Sometimes I want to give up on it, other times I'm sure it is all I want to do. Sure, I lack the years of practice most dancers do, but I don't lack the love for it. The soul consuming love. Every time I dance I actually think I have a chance. 

There has never been anything else in my life that made me feel that way. Well, maybe being a writer, but it wasn't till recently that I really squinted into the future and thought about it. Writing is always something that I love and can get a natural high from, but it doesn't do the same thing to me as dancing does. It also doesn't give me muscle and keep me fit. 

I know I've rambled on about my love for dance before. But it hasn't been till now that I know, for sure, how much dance means to me. I couldn't imagine living in that stupid town in Footloose! (And you don't want to imagine me going on a full blown rant about all the things that make Footloose one of the shittiest movies ever.) 

Anyway. I might have some of the most painful burns on my feet and be missing big chunks of my skin everywhere because of dancing, but that is an odd pleasure. XD

I get discouraged a lot in my dancing. But I also get encouraged by others, which is all I need. If I keep on working hard, no matter how cheesy it sounds, I will become better. I know I can. (Yeah! Look at that positive thinking! )

I can't choose a style of dance I like best. Ballet is so elegant, but fierce. Like a royal, hot tongue beauty. It brings out something fiery but graceful in dancers. 

Then there is lyrical or contemporary, which is like a loose ballet. Contemporary holds so much emotion. Whatever mood is pulsing through your veins burst out in contemporary. 

 And then there is Jazz. Jazz is like a classy hip hop, in my opinion. It brings back the old days, but keeps it hot and sexy. 

And, finally, hip hop, where it's about your style. How you want to make it, what fits you best. Hip hop is broad because each person has their own way to do things and that is what makes it so cool. It is orderly chaos. 

It's all different and it's all awesome. I don't know which one I would go with. At the moment, I'd say hip hop because you can blend in just about any other type of dance with it. But, hm, I don't know. I just know I love dance. 

What do you love? (And Ovais, it has to be an activity, not a certain person. :p) 

**Jocelyn**

:D (That's A Happy Face!)

Mmmm. 

You feel the vibes of a good day when you find out that you actually don't have to work, get some of the best coffee ever with your brother who is finally home, and already have your schedule filled out and ready to go. Now all I need to do is motivate myself to actually fulfill what's on my schedule. 

Luckily, I put dance down for a hour instead of half of hour. Thank God. I've been in love with it lately, like I was before. This past year it turned from the love of my life, to the biggest pain in my ass. But now, it's back to being one of the best things that's ever happened to me. I love you, God. 

I guess it's helped that some of the girls at dance know what is going on with me right now. I missed dance two weeks ago and when my mom went to go pay my dance teacher, she ended up telling her about my 'problems'. I wasn't to0 excited about it, but it wasn't really awkward when I finally came back. In fact, everything seems a tiny bit better. 

I got a FB e-mail from one of the best dancers there, who is actually younger than me, and has a fiery spirit. I never expected her to send me an e-mail talking about how she knows how I feel and is there for me. It felt pretty good actually.

For once in my life, I'm starting to believe that I might , maybe one day, be able to trust people. I mean, I trust  you guys because 1) you're over the internet. The likely hood of me meeting you is pretty low. 2) A lot of you guys know how I feel and share the same feelings on your blogs. I'm super thankful you guys are here. But it is hard when my ability of trusting people I know in person is a little low. 

Don't get me wrong, you guys are effing amazing. Seriously. That you guys read and comment on my blog boggles my mind. If I could hug all of you, I would. And you got to understand; I'm NOT a touchy person. At all. 

So, yeah. I love feeling this support. This love. It's like God did hear my cry and, with a little smirk on his face, took all my burdens and turned them around. It's like he let me get this down so I'd understand how high he can lift me up. I can't always understand him and I know I screw up all the time, but he's there. People try and tell he's not, but after everything I've gone through in life, every heavy step I've taken and every fall that has cut my hands, it seems almost impossible that it wasn't Him who picked me up, lifted the terrible load on my back, and pushed me forward. God is more than a god to me, he's like the love of my life. 

Okay, so I'll stop this sap-fest and get to work. 

I love you guys!!!!!

**Jocelyn**