YouTube Junkie much?

Saturday, December 31, 2011
I've been sitting on my bum, sorta-maybe-probably not doing my schoolwork. Instead I've been spending my time watching a butt load of YouTube videos.

If you learn anything from this post it should be that I have no life. I mean, absolutely no life. (And I'm most likely going to take 29742947 breaks in the process of writing this post because I'm having serious Youtube withdraws. And why is it taking me so long to type things out? I feel like I'm typing at the rate of a snail...if a snail had fingers, of course.)

So, to put an end to my insane rambling (actually, I don't think this will stop it at all...) but I'm going to make a list of some of my favorite YouTubers. :D YAY!

Okay, so I'll limit myself to 5. Oh, and not in a particular order.

1. Ryan Higa



and...



Yeaaaah. Do I need to say anything? 

2. KevJumba


+



=
AAAWEESOOOMMEEE. 

3. Shane Dawson


                                     
So, he gets one video. There are so many of his and I can't remember all of my favorites. xD (Good fan, aren't I?) 

4. Chester See


                                     

Pahahahaha! Love. This. Video. xD

and I love this song....



And 5. DaveDays



Mwahahaha! Great idea. Best Justin B. parody ever. 

And I love this song. I bought it. :]


Okay. I'm done. 


And may I just say, I am not watching YouTube videos....

I'm watching stupid T.V shows on Hulu. 


Yay, me got brains! :D

**Jocelyn**

5 Ways to Beat Up Depression

Tuesday, December 27, 2011
I usually envy people who are strangely optimistic, which results in unnecessary hate. But I shouldn't hate them. I should actually listen to them. 

As someone who has depression I need to be optimistic. I need to be able to tackle things with a bold, bright positive attitude. When I don't, I set myself up to fall. It is hard dealing with depression. I tend to take the door to my mind and heart and slam it tight, so no one knows the depression I face. 

It wasn't till yesterday that I told any of my friends I struggle with depression. It only came out when another friend mentioned having serious panic attacks, which I also fight with. (Funny side note: Once a panic attack caused me to think my shower was a shark. It isn't funny to me, but to everyone else it should be dag blam hilarious. xD) 

Anyway. I realized, at least for me, having depression is just like having an extra choir everyday. It takes work to deal with and it won't be easy. You can't snap your fingers and it will--poof!--be gone. No, instead you have to full on fight it, in the ring, everyday and one day you'll stand champion over it. 

Sure, fighting it isn't easy. In fact, it's probably is the hardest thing ever, but you can do it. So here are my 5 Ways to Beat Up Depression. I don't know if they're bullet proof, but they make logical sense. So, here we go!

1. Attack the Negative with a Positive 

When you have depression, negative thoughts come naturally. You don't even realize they are there until someone points it out. So, one of my first steps is to recognize your negative thoughts and reactions. Once you do that, you'll realize some of your negative reactions are a little absurd. And when you gain the ability to see your negatives, take the time to replace them with positives, or, as I say, attack them with positives. It doesn't matter if you don't necessarily believe your positives, because the truth is half the time we don't believe our negatives.  If we start using positives at the same time as negatives, soon, hopefully, we'll be balances out. 

2. Childish Thoughts vs. Adult Thoughts 

My therapist (is it bad that I remember how to spell therapist by putting together the rapist?) once explained to me something interesting about how our minds work. Things that happened we were younger were seen through a child's eyes, not an adults. Everything is taken in a different when you're a child. But the problem is, when you're older and you're looking back on a moment in the past, your memory comes from the child you. So, some things are dramatized and irrationality perceived. A 20 year old looking back on their parents divorce when they were five may still blame themselves for the divorce because they see it in the memory of their five year old self. The tool is to stop those irrational thoughts and return to your adult mind and think through it like an adult. Every time you deal with something from your past, remember who you were at that time and try to work through it in your 'adult' mind. 

3. Stay Focused on Your Target 

You hear it a bunch: "Stay focused!" Maybe in sports, dance, school, etc. But when you're fighting depression, stay focused on your goal. But in order to do that, you have to know what your goal is. Mine, personally, is to be strong enough to still have that lingering depression but still be able to live life with a smile on my face and the urge to be better and better. (If THAT made sense.) Once you have that goal in sight, make a dash for it. But you have to be aware of all the hurtles, pitfalls and other crap that will get in your way. Don't be afraid of the troubles that lay ahead, stay focused on your goal and give what you can to reach it. And don't set a goal the benefits only you, because in the end it only destroys you. Pick something that helps you by miles, but in some way can help other people around you. 

4. Don't Be Afraid to Try 

One of the worst things depression can do to you is shove you deep down into a little box. It makes you want to draw away from the whole world and have no outside contact. It seriously makes you want to lay there and never give up. Counter that blow with the exact opposite. Try new things all the time and don't be afraid of what other people think. I know, easier sad than done. But start with something small, like eating a new meal or walking a different route. Routine can be depression secret weapon. Why? Because then we get stuck in the routine and expect noting else and when things do get changed up, against our will, it drives us crazy. So, try, try and try again! (Wait...wrong context.) 

5. Enjoy Everything. 

Enjoy everything, even the hard battles. If we can look at our life and at least muster a pleasant smile, then we're doing good. When you're depressed, you tend to undermined yourself. You tell yourself that your life is a waste of space, on and on. And that's a lie. Everyone else knows that is a lie. You just have to realize that yourself. And you can do that by loving every moment of your life, embracing it. Hell, everything that has gone wrong in your life has been to your benefit. The wrongs have made you aware, ready for the next one, and stronger. Sure, they suck worse than a vacuum, but they are helpful in some ways. Look at your life and know that you're footprint on this world is a beautiful one, enjoy every moment of it. Depression is good at making us feel void when reality is, we're God's delight. 

I really hope my 5 steps help. I just came up with them myself and am using them to work on myself. Maybe, together, we can kick down depression. 

And maybe I'll shut up because this is getting WAY too sappy. ;]

**Jocelyn**

Christmas

Sunday, December 25, 2011
Yesterday and this morning were like walking with a 200 pound block on my back. And every once and a while it felt like a family member would laughingly press their foot against the block.

I cried for at least four hours last night. I finally took medication to knock me out.
But, finally, that cloud of depression has lifted and I'm back to normal. I had these random attacks of depression. Maybe I am bi-polar. It drives me crazy.

And, of course, I had to start my Christmas off like that. So depressed, only to have my mother snap at me about my mood.

Finally, after church I felt a little better. I felt even better when I had lunch and got to open the rest of my presents. So, hopefully my big, black cloud isn't coming to visit any time soon. God, I hope not.



Anyway, how has your holiday been? I have to go, but I love you all! MERRY CHRISTMAS! :]


**Jocelyn**

Mergh.

Saturday, December 24, 2011
Mrgh.

It's Christmas Eve! Why am I so upset? Why am I blaming red, teary eyes on allergies? >.>

Dammit.

I'll expand later, when I'm not dealing my family of collective ass holes. Seriously, I want to go kick someone. Hard. Like so hard that they're knocked back to their 16th Christmas. Unless that someone is younger than 16.  Then I'll knock 'em back to the first Christmas. '

Wow. I need to calm down. Where is so alcohol for a minor when you need it? I need to chill. Drastically. (No, I don't drink. I'm just being stupid. It's a reoccurring theme in my life.)


*a rambling depressing post will soon be put here*


**Jocelyn**


Newest Addiction: The Lonely Island

Monday, December 19, 2011
My newest addiction is Andy Samberg.
Well, mostly what he does. I should say my newest addiction is Saturday Night Live. Or, maybe I should say it is the Lonely Island.

Don't know them?

Okay then. Here you go (warning: there is a lot of cussing if I'm right.):


So, you have to have a particular humor to like them, I guess. I have no clue. I just know I like them. And my favorite, of course, is Andy. I don't know why I like him best ether. xD They're obviously comedians, not wanna-be singers. But their music isn't like nails on chalkboard. It's not amazing, but it is super funny.

Anyway, I've become addicted to all things SNL and The Lonely Island and even Andy Samberg.
Is this a sign that I have no life?

Hell yes it it, hell yes.


**Jocelyn**

Christmas List Anyone?

Sunday, December 18, 2011
My If-I-Could-Get-Anything-I-Wanted Christmas List




1. Another camera lens. (Yes, I do photography.)
2. An iPad. This list is already about $1,000 dollars. Hm, wow. xD
3. All my families bills to be paid.
4. All our house's problems (this list is so long.) to be fixes. Basically, we need a new house.
5. A new T.V, DVD Player and VCR Player.
6. A chocolate model of me. I want to eat myself. xD
7. For my brother and sister in law to have a private adoption.
8. Cable T.V
9. My own gym/dance room.
10. :]


What is your If-I-Could-Get-Anything-I-Wanted Christmas List? Do tell.


**Jocelyn**

Bird Ring!

Friday, December 16, 2011
Today, for the first time in forever, two friends who I have been seemingly separated from came to one of our favorite shopping centers with me. I wasn't excited, or nervous,or anything. We had never really something like this and we've known each other for 10 years. 10 years.

We use to be so close. Then something, I don't know what, tore us down. We slowly rebuilt our friendship back into existence, but now something doesn't feel the same. When I'm with them, and just them (it's different around groups of friends), I feel like I'm swinging my arms around wildly trying to figure them out in this darkness. I want that friendship back, but it feels like I'm forcing something that just won't, can't and doesn't want to be. And that hits me in the gut like a hammer.

I dunno.
But I did have a good day. I've found a new shop that I'm in L-O-V-E with. It is called Charming Charlies. There I found one of the best rings in history. It is this golden bird, twisting around, wings splayed in different directions. It's so beautiful. It takes up half my finger. I like big rings.

I was debating between that one and this dazzling blue, green rhinestone lizard. Yes, I like animals.

Then, when we stopped by Clarie's, I checked the clearance rack and found so cute, blue and gold earrings for only $3.50. Very pleased.

I like finding some things I'll never stop loving. I mean, I know I can't say no to the bird ring. I'm going to be wearing it a lot.

Can you believe that Christmas is so close? One week basically. I have only gotten one present. Major shopping MUST be done. xD I hope that I don't do everything last minute. Because I do that too much already. I seriously can't procrastinate on Christmas presents!

What are you asking for this holiday season? Hm?

I asked for a list of random things. Mostly gift cards and money. I mean, honestly, those are the best gifts. People can get you a gift, but you get to decided what you buy with them. And I like that control. xD

I mean, who doesn't?

**Jocelyn**